The Black Swan

Last night I watched the highly talked about movie The Black Swan. The movie is about a woman who has waited a long time to get the leading role in a ballet. After 4 arduous years, she finally gets the lead. However, she has very little belief and faith in herself. Throughout the movie she avoids her inner demons leading to the ultimate sacrifice of self destruction. Not only was I left in disbelief when the movie ended, but I began to ponder my own inner demons. What demons am I running from? It is time to face these demons and set myself free. God has given me strengths that I am not utilizing because of my fears. Everyone has a fear of rejection, a fear of putting themselves out there, and a fear of being laughed at, made fun or, or mocked. But enough is enough. I can be a better person by not allowing these things to hold me down. The demons suffocate me. This is not the life God intended for me. He wants me to be happy, fearless for Him, and courageous.

The Black Swan was nothing short of strange but it made me think a lot about the way women often sacrifice themselves to be the best at everything. Each and every one of us strives to be the best employee, wife, daughter, mother, sister, friend, girlfriend, etc.  But in doing so, we often lose who we are. To a fault, we give whatever it takes to make sure the ones we love have everything they want and need. We have this insane belief that WE have the sole ability and responsibility to provide those we love with their complete and total happiness. Somewhere along the way we forget about our own happiness and what it is we want and need.  I have no desire to become a selfish person nor am I saying we should stop giving all that we have to others. But when is enough finally going to be enough? And when can we take a step back and evaluate or lives in order to figure out if we are using our God given talents in the right way?

The first and most important step is to take time for YOU. Stop for a moment and take the time to write down your goals. What do YOU want for YOU? Not what do you want for your children, significant other, etc…What do you want for YOU? Then take small steps to get there. I was amazed to find most of my inner demons have to do with unresolved relationships. Forgiveness is a powerful word. It is necessary to take the time to explore the demons you are running from, embrace them, deal with them, and release them to God.

Perhaps one of the most gratifying things I have learned to do is this: When I feel the need to call, write, email, or text someone, I will stop whatever I am doing to do so. When people “pop” into your head for no reason, stop what you are doing and reach out to them. I can guarantee they need you. And they need to hear what you have to say. You will be amazed and blessed with the results.

Don’t run from your inner demons. Deal with them. Give them to God. Only then can you truly find peace and happiness.